i said they said

At an audition a while ago I disagreed with a director about how to play a character. I did not say I disagreed, it was never verbalized, but when I started to read I saw immediately that my interpretation was not what they were looking for. Crikey, I thought, which one of us is off the mark? In my early years I would have said me. As I have continued on in this theatrical world I have come to realize that directors can be just as off the mark as actors can be. I did my best in that audition to navigate my way quickly to what this director was looking for. I left knowing I was not going to get the part. A part, mind you, that I would be great for. But I would not be great for it in that production. That much was clear. What frustrated me down the road was that I really felt that my take on it was right. I felt that what the director wanted for that role was a disservice to the play.

Then I had another audition very recently where the director asked me to tweak my reading, and gave me a description for the character that I thought was way off. Once again I found myself working against instinct. I left frustrated with the audition and annoyed with myself. In addition I walked away with a niggling worry that my instincts are off. This is of course the worst thing that can happen to an actor. I have come to trust in my instincts. They have done quite well for me. So you can imagine how this moment felt. In the end I choose to believe that we are all entitled to our opinion, and our best artistic opportunities happen when ideas mesh and interpretations coincide. My take on a role might be better for a show, but not if it is at odds with what a director wants; and playing a role against my instincts would result in a poor performance. There have been times where I come in to audition and the director has an idea for their show, but is waiting to see what an actor will bring to a role. Then there are those directors that know exactly what they want and if you don't hit it, then bye bye baby. Both are valid approaches to auditioning, and I have been the answer to both before, just not these times.

So bye bye baby.