apples and honey

Dear Senator Allen,
I know you are dealing with a lot of emotions right now. It must be very hard to sort everything out. You were a good ole' white boy, who could still talk a good game about having relatives in concentration camps. I mean, who has that kind of ace?! Now, trouble is a brewin'. It seems that you have a Jewish heritage. So let me clarify something that you may not be aware of. Judaism is actually a religion. It is a religion that is cultural, yes, and many times is used to describe ancestry, but really it is still a choice. In fact, Judaism does not try to convert and looks with a skeptical - you really want in? - eye on all those who do. I promise you, no one will come after you to try to get you to join. Why would they want you?

As for voters who may think you are tainted by Jewish roots. Just keep up the 'I ate ham' comments and meetings with the Council of Conservative Citizens (You don't really think they would lynch you? You are a public figure, they would just secretly wash their hands after they shook yours.) and you will be fine.

Shalom,
hpmelon

Allen's behavior since finding this out is deplorable. His obvious shame in finding out about a rich history should confirm to all his voters that they need not worry. Their man is still exactly who he was before. A bigot.