grammar? i hardley know her

At an audition last week I ran into a cliche head on. I ran into the actor who says 'little'. It is their way of making themselves superior during their backhanded compliment.

AWSL: So what show are you doing right now?

Me: I am doing 'Show Title'.

AWSL: Oh, is 'Other Actor' in it? She is a good little actress.

Me: Actually she is normal size.

So maybe I did not say that last line. I was not wanting to stir the waters two seconds before having to read with this person. The conversation, which I tried to keep to a minimum, got worse.

AWSL: How are 'Show Title' rehearsals going?

Me: Good, thanks.

AWSL: How do you like playing that part?

Me: I love it.

AWSL: Is it coming easily?

Me: I am still figuring her out, but it is going well.

AWSL: Her? I hate it when actors refer to their characters in the third person. I never do it.

Me: Lets go over these sides again before we go back in.

I am not rehashing this to ruminate on her rudeness, but because I started wondering on the drive home, how else one thinks about a role they are playing. I remember reading on someone else's blog about actors discussing their characters in the third person (wish I could remember which blog), and I don't have a problem with folks who do not approach it that way; but the truth is that I do not know of a better way to articulate beat changes, intentions, history, and motivation when analyzing my character.

When I discuss any literature, I discuss the people in that story in the third person. Why would I change this when I am discussing a role in a play? I don't feel that it alienates me from my role to do so, it just gives me the ability to understand them better. I never judge a character I am playing, to do so would be the death of it. Is that what this actor feared? That in talking about it as a separate entity she would render it separate from her? Is there a venacular that I am ignorant of that gives actors a different vocabulary for delving into a role. I confess that while I have read about different acting methods, and trained in several of them, I have not encountered one yet that discourages references to your character in the third person.

I have, however, done many improv exercises playing roles where you switch to the first person. But at that point I am inhabiting the role. While in character it makes sense and feels right to use 'I'. But when I am discussing the role in the abstract, or dissecting it in a discussion, than it just seems odd.

I will continue to do what is comfortable to me, but I am curious as to the process of an actor who refuses to refer to their characters in the third person, or any director that does not want their actors to use that convention.